“When she locked the door to her compartment, she could feel that for the first time in two days, her adrenaline levels had returned to normal. She opened the compartment window and defied the no-smoking regulations. She stood there sipping at her coffee as the train rolled out of Oslo.”
Steig Larsson, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Let me tell you why this quote is so cool. But first, personal context:
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was the first novel I read after I finished writing my novel’s first draft. The problem with first drafts is that they are rudimentary and sorely underdeveloped. They say the first draft is for the writer, meaning it is the story the writer wants to tell. The following drafts are for the readers, shaping the story into the complete book it will eventually be.
The quote above is from the end of the second-to-last chapter of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. It caught me and gripped me. As soon as I read it, I had to reread it and breathe out a sigh. “That’s so cool!”
Watch this.
Stieg Larsson could have said, “She picked up a cigarette” or “She took a drag from her cigarette.” Both would have been equally as effective at describing what She was doing. And both are equally as boring.
Instead, Larsson used words to paint a picture. We know exactly what she is doing, even though he never even mentioned a cigarette. “She defied the no-smoking regulations.”
Why did this phrase make me so excited? Because it was a clear example to an amateur what a master can do with words alone. Now I can begin editing my novel with this phrase in the back of my mind, and I will look for ways to incorporate this kind of storytelling. Storytelling that shows the picture instead of talking about it.
Can you think of some cool ways to describe things or actions without naming them? Put your imagination to the test in the comments below.